Archive for the ‘Blogffences’ Category

Murder. Pleasure. Rebirth. Dave.

May 24, 2010

While attending a black tie gala this past weekend, this blog’s author was given what is no doubt the greatest intangible gift one human being can give to another: the green light to bring back (The greatest tangible gift of course being piles of hot, wet cash.)

Indeed, the sole purpose of this gathering was to make this big announcement, though it was guised under the pretense of married people doing a thing for whatever. All in attendance were literally floored by the news, including this blog’s editor/contributing editor/sole writer. Why? Because this reopened the venue by which a plucky young blogpologist could once again solicit both positive and negative/whatever attention from close friends and people he doesn’t really talk to on facebook anymore? Because the very website that once received over 112 (113) page views in a single day would be gloriously resurrected? To serve the purpose of masturbatorily engaging myself in one of the (read: “the”) only things I’m good (read: “okay”) at?

Yes. All of these things. But, most importantly, because this means it worked. I won. To see Dave lie prostrate on the floor and basically beg me, crying like a baby, to start this motherfucker back up … was the purest form of forgiveness my litigious mind could possibly understand. I won the apology.

So, where do we go from here? Green lit to bring back SorryDave, there was great temptation to take this somewhere further, to mature the project and myself. The work I’ve done here, upon defeating Dave, has clearly transcended him. I thought for a long time about focusing my energies on a more perfect good.

But then I realized “more perfect” is a contradiction in terms. Besides, SorryDave was already perfect. The Blogpology would stand as it always had – as a tribute to how sorry I am for whatever it was I did to Dave. What it was was not important – not in SorryDave 1.0 …

But this is SorryDave 2.0. A new blogpology requires a new offense. So, without further ado, for the first time in SorryDave (and human) history, such an offense shall be delivered via blogpology.

Just days ago, Dave admitted that he would straight up murder his roommates in cold blood – and take pleasure from it. The “why” is not important. Dave’s insane.

Let the sorries begin!