Archive for March, 2010

Sorry, Dave is no more

March 24, 2010

Dear readers/fellow apologists,

At the humble request of this blogpology’s beneficiary, updates to sorrydave.wordpress.com will be discontinued. They say that sometimes a man can be too sorry. Perhaps. A cursory reading of the DSM-IV-TR reveals that the overactive Superego can cause one to feel an excess of guilt. This can manifest itself in a variety of symptoms/behaviors: anxious tension, anger redirected at the self, or, in this case, excessive blogpologizing. It is unrealistic to expect friends and family to understand what the maladjusted individual is going through during such an episode.

So, as I prepare to stuff my sorries in a sack and hoof it down the long, dusty road, I must thank my loyal readers. And especially, I must thank Dave – for putting up with all of my bullshit.

Signing off forever,

A.J.

Dave means never having to say you’re sorry.

March 24, 2010

It means you get to say you’re sorry. Being Sorry, Dave is a privilege and, truly, a joy.

How could something so gut-wrenchingly painful and embarrassing as a public blogpology be a joy, one might ask?

The Ancient Greeks had their own word for what I’m feeling: katharos, or, “catharsis.” The basic meaning is to purge, purify or clean. However, the concept is left wide open for interpretation, especially as it pertains to a variety of possible scenarios. Wikipedia lists the following as potential and historical “theaters” for catharsis: the Dramaturgical, Therapeutic, Paganism mystery cults and Neoplatonism, to name a few. But this isn’t about a play, or psychotherapy, or religion/philosophy. This is about me and Dave (Sorry, Dave), which leaves us with the most basic use for catharsis listed in the wikipedia entry:

Cathartic Sacrifice, broken down thusly:

… consequently we find two types of cathartic sacrifice: one to cleanse of impurity and make fit for common use, another to rid of sanctity and in like manner render suitable for human use or intercourse.

The Ancient Greeks also invented lamb gyros.

Once you consider that Dave is already relatively pure (I am impure, which is why I’m Sorry, Dave), it becomes clear that this is the latter form of catharsis. Through my blogpology, I am ridding Dave of his sanctity and thus rendering him suitable for intercourse, so to speak. This is how I derive my own personal happiness. This is why being Sorry, Dave is an exercise in self-growth, rather than something to be treated as a burden. Yes, it’s my cross to bear. But lots of people pay a lot of money to wear crosses as jewelry. And if people pay money for something, it’s good.

Best wishes and Sorry, Daves,

-A.

“Regret and Remorse”

March 23, 2010

This morning, like every morning, I awoke and immediately set my mind to the topic of personal regret and remorse. Those of you who know me well (or even just a little), probably accurately assume that these two faculties are core tenets of my personality. While drowned beneath a deluge of paternal emotional neglect over the years, “Sorry, Dave” is a concept that has weighed heavily on both my heart and mind, though this may not be immediately evident (off the Web).

So what is “Sorry, Dave?” What are regret and remorse? For these musings, I defer to the experts at PerfectApology.com:

Regret and Remorse

In order to really appreciate or understand the crucial role perfect apologies can play in our daily lives it helps to understand the differences between the mistakes we make and the apologies we deliver as a result—some actions we regret, while others we are truly sorry for.

We’ll begin here by describing important distinctions between mistakes and actions that elicit feelings of regret and those that expose stronger feelings of remorse. Perfect apologies should be tailored to address one or the other type of mistake, in most cases.

Regret is a rational, intelligent and, on occasion, emotional reaction to some unexpected, unintended and often costly consequence of some event or action.

Apologies that expose feelings of regret are often designed to address the consequences of actions people have taken but wish they hadn’t, or actions they have not yet taken but wish they had. We usually regret the consequences of relatively minor mistakes or errors and, given the option of revisiting the decision, would probably decide to do something else.

However, we also express regrets for the consequences of events over which we have very little control, or for actions that are intentionally taken for perfectly rational reasons but nevertheless produce unintended consequences—an apology from an airline to its passengers for cancelling a flight; an apology from a mechanic for charging much more than a customer expected for unforeseen repairs; an apology for having to fire someone because of poor job performance or incompetence; etc…

Companies often express regrets for the harm caused by their decision despite the fact that a similar decision would be taken in the future for the same reasons. For example, airlines often apologize for cancelling flights because of poor weather but would do the same thing under similar circumstances in the future. Decisions can be right even if the consequences for the customer are costly. In fact most business apologies take the form of addressing the consequences of one or another unavoidable yet regrettable event.

Regrets are typically amoral—there is no right or wrong associated with the actions; it’s the consequences that matter (Miller 2005:83)1. In most of these cases the expression of regret through an apology is really secondary.

Remorse, on the other hand, takes on a bitter, deeper form that elicits much stronger personal and emotional reactions to personal guilt, societal shame, humiliation, resentment and often anger.

While regret is amoral and concerned with good versus bad consequences, remorse has more to do with right versus wrong actions2. Feelings of remorse are often caused by actions that constitute serious and painful errors of judgment and often draws out powerful compulsions to fix the mistake(s) through personal change and sacrifice.

(Original article here.)

Yours Dave, Sorrily,

-Alex

Regret and Remorse

In order to really appreciate or understand the crucial role perfect apologies can play in our daily lives it helps to understand the differences between the mistakes we make and the apologies we deliver as a result—some actions we regret, while others we are truly sorry for.

Apology

March 22, 2010

Bridging the racial divide.

Dave –

Sorry.

-Al